November
2006
looking back :/
I often rethink my decision to retire from artistic gymnastics. It’s my passion, and I miss it. I knew that I wouldn’t be doing gymnastics my entire life, but I expected myself to stay with it through highschool and hopefully make it to college. I know that my reasons for moving on, however, could not be ignored.
Last year, I started attending one of the most rigorous gymnastics training centers in the state, in high hopes of making my college envisions come true. I never planned on switching gyms, but my “home” gym was closing down our artistic gymnastics program, so I had no choice. I knew it would be hard, but I had so much passion and fire to achieve this, I figured I could do it. Instead, the unthinkable happened. I started to DREAD going to gym. I never in my life dreaded of going to gym, and I was scared to admit to it. It was like military boot camp- or probably even worse- for five to six days out of the week, right after school. I ended school at 3:30, and gym started at 4:00 and ended at 8:00. I always had these training hours, but never to this intensity.
It started to feel like I had no life outside of gym, and I questioned my reasoning for pushing myself through these long workouts. I asked myself, what if I’m doing all of this work, and it doesn’t pay off in the end? I knew I would definitely not make it to a Division 1 school, because in order to do that, I’d have to have been a level 10 or an elite for quite some time now. I was training level 8, and I reasoned that if I stuck with it until my senior year, I could make it to level 10. It’d be a huge accomplishment, but not enough to bring me to a Division 1 school. I realized that all the schools I had been dreaming of academically, such as Stanford and UCSD, would not match the college that I would be able to attend for gymnastics, because they wre primarily Division 1 schools or schools without gym programs.
My ultimate reason for withdrawing, however, was not because I didn’t feel I could make it to college gymnastics. I just was not happy. It took a long time for me to admit to it, because I never thought that I would ever not be happy doing gymnastics, but it was true, and I couldn’t lie to myself anymore. There was no way that I could let myself continue at this gym for my entire highschool career. It just wasn’t right for me.
After leaving, I knew I couldn’t entirely shut gymnastics out of my life. I loved gymnastics; I just couldn’t handle the highly intense and competetive environment anymore. I decided to re-establish my passion by moving back to my old “home” gym and join the international trampoline team with all my old teammates. It was the best decision I could’ve made. I experienced some lifetime opportunities of traveling internationally (and nationally) for meets- an option I never would have had if I stayed in artistic gymnastics. I won’t lie, though, artistic gymnastics will always be my passion, trampoline will never replace that, but I’m much happier now just continuing to do it for fun. A few years ago, I would have never imagined me feeling this way, but sometimes things just don’t turn out the way that you plan on, and I’ve come to learn that that is OK. 
This post is very meaningful to you, you can almost sense your emotions. Obviously you were very mixed feelings when you switched back to your old gym. But I think in the end you will not regret the decision of doing what you wanted. Many people are involved in gymnastics at such a young age but when they start losing interests, many times, the parents get involved in their decisions to continue. Trampoline will never match up to artistic gymnastics but it’s good that you enjoy it. Doing what you want to do is always the best choice because life is short……be crazy
Hey! I really enjoyed reading your post, even though I’ve never paticipated in gymnastics. I think that you expressed your ideas and feelings clearly. I agree with your conclusion that sometimes things just don’t turn out the way that you plan on and that’s okay! I definately think that in the last few years, a lot of my plans have changed. I’m happy that you have found something that makes you happy!
It’s interesting to write about a decision-making process after it has happened. How did you know that the key question for you was “am I happy?” And how did you know whether you were happy? (I know this sounds like a silly question, but a lot of people–definitely me when I was in high school–could not have said whether they were happy or not, especially when they are doing something they always enjoyed.) I guess I’m wondering how you stopped yourself from lying to yourself.
It’s poignant that you had to make a decision like this so early in your life. I know it’s necessary when you’re a gymnast, but I like to think that even as young adults, we have a whole world of opportunity open to us.